Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Web of Starlight

Because I don't care anymore, because it takes too much effort to think about what could be. If only... two words that hold a world of meaning...

Web of Starlight

Give me a sign.

Kayla looked out her window and shook her head. It was useless to wish on stars, but for some reason, she still closed her eyes every night and hoped. Night after night, the moon came out, accompanied by the stars, and no matter where she was, Kayla picked the brightest star and recited the childhood rhyme she had learned.

Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.

So far, it hadn’t worked out. But she still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going to happen. For the past week, she hadn’t been able to sleep, tossing and turning in bed for hours before finally drifting off near dawn. It was getting tiresome, the waiting and the doubts that maybe she was wrong about everything.

“Kayla, I have a letter for you. I was going to leave it until tomorrow, but I saw your light. Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

Turning around, Kayla smiled mischievously. “I should be asking you the same thing.” Amelia stuck her tongue out before handing Kayla an envelope.

“I don’t have to wake early for lessons tomorrow. Aren’t you going to meet Christian and work on your technique before the morning bell?” Amelia raised a brow when Kayla shrugged.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be up long before I have to. I’m not a slugabed like someone I know.” Laughing when Amelia made a face, Kayla wondered what she was doing up. It didn’t matter whether she had to finish her work or if she had nothing to do, but Kayla had been staying up regardless. A restless feeling kept her from falling asleep so she sat up instead of lying in bed. It always seemed more productive when her hands were moving.

“Well, don’t sleep too late. I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Good night, Kayla.”

As Amelia closed the door behind her, Kayla looked down at the letter in her hands. There was nothing written on the white paper except for her name and honorific.

Mademoiselle Kayla Yverns

Turning it around, she took her dagger from the sheath and slit the envelope open. She hadn’t been expecting a letter from any of her friends from abroad and Kayla didn’t recognize the handwriting on the envelope either. Slipping her fingers into the opening, Kayla pulled out a sheet of folded vellum. The letter was beginning to seem a bit strange, especially since none of her close friends or family ever bothered to address her formally in correspondence or in person.

When Kayla unfolded the sheet of vellum, her eyes widened in surprise. The paper was completely blank and devoid of writing. Instead, a single rose bud lay nestled in the folds of the page.

“Why?” Kayla shook her head, wondering if it was merely the lack of sleep that was affecting her senses. As a blush began to creep up her cheeks, she quickly slipped the flower and paper back into the envelope. It couldn’t possibly be from him. No matter how many questions he had asked, it had come to nothing. She was better off trying to catch some rest.


“I would have killed you before you had a chance to land that on me.” Christian danced back, slitting his eyes at Kayla before assuming a fighting stance once more.

“I know.” Letting out the breath she had been holding, Kayla switched feet to face Christian, staying on her toes. “But you know I’m better at footwork than defense.”

“That’s the reason why we’re here.” Stepping in quickly, Christian threw a punch at Kayla’s head. She barely had time to block before he struck again, this time aiming for her ribs. A quick step back to catch her balance allowed Kayla to kick Christian in the chest before he came back with a swift jab. For the next few moments, they were silent as they exchanged blows. The round finally ended when Kayla grabbed Christian’s arm and forced him to his knees.

“You know, you didn’t have to kick me that hard. I’m going to have a bruise the size of your fist.”

Kayla grinned sheepishly at Christian. “It was hardly my fault. How many times do I have to tell you to watch your right side? You’re always leaving it open. One day, you’re going to get hurt.”

“Right. Like you aren’t? You practically step into my punches, Kayla. You’re lucky I don’t hit hard.”

“I know.” Kayla sighed. Standing up, she stretched out her legs, wincing when they ached. They were going to be sore the next day.

“So, I want to ask you. Honestly, how do you feel about Jon now?” Christian stared expectantly at Kayla. “I won’t say anything. This stays between us.”

Sitting down on the mat and folding her legs beneath her, Kayla bit her lip before answering. “Let me ask you something. Have you ever seen me act the slightest bit infatuated?”

Kayla sighed when Christian stared at her in silence. “No. Never.” His eyes widened. “Then you like him. A lot.”

Glaring at Christian, Kayla nodded imperceptibly.

“Well, I’m not going to say anything now that you’ve told me.” Slinging his towel around his neck, Christian headed for the door.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Not getting a reply, Kayla uncoiled from her position on the floor and jogged after Christian.


“Are you going to come with us tonight?”

Adjusting the strap of her bag over her shoulder, Kayla shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess, we’ll just have to see.” Heading for the door, Kayla shook her head when Haley and Mari smiled secretively.

“But you always say that,” Mari pouted.

“It’s hardly my fault. Blame it on the professors. If I can get through Halifax’s Symposium tonight, then I’ll see you there. If not, well, you know how it is.”

“Right. Are you sure it’s not just because of Jonathon?” Haley laughed when Kayla tried to keep the blush from her cheeks.

“It’s not funny. In any case, it’s not as if he owns me or anything. I’m allowed to have fun when I want. Unless I have work to finish.” Kayla rolled her eyes when Mari winked slyly at her.

“So you say. We’ll see you at the South Gate.” Hugging Kayla tightly, Mari ran off to her next lesson. She would be busy until the dinner bell in the stables. Haley shrugged her shoulders and gave Kayla an apologetic smile before heading towards her next lesson as well. Which left Kayla with her own thoughts. It always ended up that way during the afternoon hours.

Walking out into the sun, Kayla headed for the dormitories. If she used her time wisely, she would be done with everything before she had to head over to the infirmaries. It was her day to watch over the patients and make sure no one tried to leave before their assigned date. Kayla just hoped that it would tire her out enough that she would be able to sleep later that night. But considering how she was joining the others, it was unlikely she would get to bed before dawn.


“You look amazing.”

“Right. I think we all know who the sexier one tonight is.” Kayla grinned when Mari and Erin both hugged her at the same time. Dressed in a knee-length skirt and an old cropped tunic top, Kayla did feel better than she had in a long time. Tucking stray strands of hair behind her ear, Kayla linked arms with the other girls and started walking.

“Come on. It’s getting cold out here.”

As they walked into the city, lights slowly came on around them. Before long, all of the streets were brightly lit with multi-colored lanterns. Behind them, groups of similarly dressed students and other people laughed and talked. With the last days of summer slowly turning to autumn, each night was a chance to revel in the warmth of the night before it became too cold to venture out of the dormitories and study halls.

“Here, take these.” Erin pulled out three unadorned demi-masks which she looped over a finger. “If we get separated and you don’t want to leave alone, which I doubt will happen, then look for a crescent moon dangling from the left ribbon. I made sure we all had the same masks.”

Taking one of the masks from Erin, Kayla raised a brow. “I thought it was only for the midwinter festival that we had to hide.”

“Gavin thought it would be interesting to see what happens if we were masked. It’s bound to be fun either way.”

“I suppose.”

Tying the demi-mask around her head, Kayla looked through the holes with a different feeling. As the three friends continued to the inn where they were to meet up with the rest of their group, Kayla let all of her inhibitions go. She would enjoy herself this night, no matter what happened.


“Go on in. I’ll see you two inside. There’s something I have to do.”

“If you say so,” Erin said reluctantly, allowing herself to be pulled inside the inn by Mari.

Left by herself, Kayla tilted her head back to look up at the sky, leaning against the wall of the inn. Scanning the sky, she settled on a bright spot close to the moon.

“Star light, star bright…”

“…First star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.”

Hearing another voice join her soft whisper, Kayla stopped and turned, letting the other person finish the children’s rhyme. Shadows cast from the windows of the inn concealed the other person’s face, more so than any mask could. But something told Kayla that she knew who was standing nearby. She wasn’t sure if she wanted her guess to be correct or not.

“Are you going to come inside, or stay out in the dark?” The figure chuckled when Kayla hesitated.

“No, of course not.” Feeling defensive at the laughter, Kayla shrugged past the figure and through the door, ignoring the outstretched hand he put in front of her.

Inside, warmth met Kayla’s chilled body and she smiled slightly. Music came from further in, barely heard over the cacophony of laughter and voices that mingled with the clinking of glasses as beer flowed freely. Swaying gently, she let the sound of the drums and lilting tune of one of the art students drift through her mind. In seconds, she forgot about the person from outside. It was easier to relax with all of the noise.

I think I love you, but I don’t know how to tell you. You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know how I cry. You don’t know how I feel at night. How I wish I could be with you and do those things only lovers do. I envision us together. Sharing every day. I guess it’s my fault I never know the words to say. I should show you that I’m interested but I’m scared that you will turn and walk away.

Feeling arms wrap around her from behind, Kayla leaned into the embrace, not caring who stood behind her. She wouldn’t regret anymore. It took too much effort, all of the doubts, all of the worries.


“You know, you don’t have to walk me back. It’s perfectly safe.”

Kayla wrapped her arms around the guy who had stayed with her throughout the night. Unlike some of the other people who had taken off their masks, they had kept theirs on. Perhaps it was the need to stay unknown that prompted the guy to keep his face hidden. But for Kayla, she felt safer behind the demi-mask; as if she could forget about everything with the slip of cloth and become a different person altogether.

“It’s okay.”

Kayla breathed in, enjoying the slight cool breeze, wishing that the night would never end. The moon lit up the night, making the path visible even without the candles and lanterns from nearby dwellings. As they walked beneath the trees, Kayla shrank back, hearing the cawing of crows.

“Scared?” The guy’s voice was husky, as if he was trying to keep something back.

“No, just a little unnerved. I don’t like the crows.” Kayla glanced up at the branches above them and shuddered slightly. It was the one thing about autumn that she disliked the most. Not even the cold bothered her that much.

As they got nearer to the South Gate, Kayla sneaked looks from the corner of her eye at the guy. He hadn’t spoken since they left the inn, only tightening his hold on her waist every so often.

“I guess this is it. Thank you for walking me back.” Untying the ribbon that held the demi-mask in place, Kayla ran her fingers through her hair, tousling it slightly. With a faint smile, she turned to face the guy.

It only seemed appropriate, so Kayla wrapped her arms around him one last time, giving him a hug. What she didn’t expect was for him to lean in as she was about to let go and place his lips on top of hers. Closing her eyes, Kayla deepened the kiss, finally breaking away reluctantly.

“I –” Shaking her head, Kayla smiled sadly. No regrets. She wasn’t going to forget, but neither was she going to regret her actions. “Thank you,” she whispered softly before pulling away and running back up the path to the dormitories. She didn’t look back, but if she had, she would have seen the guy smile as he fingered the demi-mask hanging from his fingers.


“So are you going to sit there all night huddled underneath your blankets or come out with us?” Amelia questioned with an annoyed expression as Kayla grinned.

“I’ll find you later. I just need to get warm right now. You’re not the one who had to run through the rain.”

“You mean I wasn’t the one foolish enough to do that.” Shaking her head, Amelia hugged Kayla before walking out into the hallway and closing the door behind her.

In a sennight, it was going to be the Winter Solstice Festival. The shortest day and longest night of the year. Kayla hoped that it would turn out better than the last festival she attended. The Autumn Equinox. It wasn’t a night she was likely to forget, since she had met Jonathon on that night, only to realize nothing would ever come of it. But she still hoped for the longest period of time. All of the short conversations they shared only renewed her hope each time.

Shaking her head, Kayla admonished herself. “Stop thinking about him.”

Throwing off her blankets, she quickly pulled on a long skirt and tugged on her boots. Checking to make sure her dagger was in its sheath, Kayla draped her cloak over her shoulders and opened the door. Hearing the rasp of cloth against the floorboards, she looked down.

Kayla’s eyes widened in surprise when she saw the demi-mask, with a distinctive crescent moon pendant hanging from a ribbon, lying on the floor. After that night, she had wondered what happened to the mask, but didn’t think much of it. Now, she remembered all too distinctly what had happened. Bending down, Kayla picked up the mask, rubbing the piece of cloth between her fingers. The crinkle of paper made her turn it around and unfold the note hidden in the folds of the mask.

Midnight. The South Gate.

Hearing the tolling of the bell from the clock tower, Kayla realized she had just enough time to reach the South Gate before the appointed time. Biting her lip in apprehension, Kayla let out her breath and shook her head in admonition. She might as well take the risk. After all, she had nothing to lose.


Tugging the hood of her cloak lower over her face, Kayla shivered as the wind grew stronger. She should have worn trousers instead. But it was too late to go back now. Standing under an alcove formed by the branches of an elm tree and the weathered brick wall of the gate’s support, Kayla wondered for the hundredth time why she had decided to meet at the appointed time.

“You know, I wasn’t sure if you would come, even with the mask.”

Hearing the slightly surprised comment, Kayla turned around, biting her lip when she saw Jon standing at the base of the tree.

“To be fair, I don’t know why I’m here, either,” Kayla said in a low voice.

“I knew it was you even before you took off your mask. I knew the moment you stepped into the room, but I didn’t think you wanted to know who I was.”

Kayla smiled bitterly. “I didn’t.”

Stepping away from the tree, Jon came closer. Shaking his head, he sighed. “I wasn’t sure how you felt. I couldn’t take the risk.”

Pulling something from out of his pocket, Jon placed it in Kayla’s hand. “This is what I wanted to give you, regardless of your answer.”

With that, he turned and walked away, leaving Kayla to stand numbly as it began to drizzle again. When Jon was out of sight, Kayla untied the tiny leather pouch and overturned it on her palm. She could feel the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks as she stared at the silver ring in her hand.

With a heart clasped between two hands and capped with a crown, the claddagh ring symbolizes the intertwining of love and friendship, governed by the loyalty usually reserved for a king and nation. Keep your heart open, for one day it will belong to one who treasures it like the world.

Kayla couldn’t remember where the words came from, but she knew that if she didn’t take the risk this time, she would regret it forever. Slipping the ring onto her finger, she walked back to her room.


“Star light, star bright…”

“I thought you already got your wish.”

Looking over at Haley, Kayla smiled. “This one isn’t for me. It’s for you.”

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Fortune Cookie Futures

A new round of midterms and now I'm even considering taking advice from a fortune cookie. It's telling me to "take that chance you've been considering." It only sounds easy, then again, everything is simple until it becomes complicated.