Seeing as how block 3 of med micro involves the joy of venereal diseases and the cold brought upon us by the howling winds and rain of tropical storms, I felt it was only fair to treat you all to a few more stories of the microbes which serve as our closest companions, whether in the air, the soil, our body or our friends, both human and animal alike.
If you love food, this may not be the best of posts to read. But if you find giant microbes as soft and cuddly as I do, continue on. =D
Staphylococcus saprophyticus
Staph is positive for everything. Gram + cocci, catalase + but coagulase –
If you’re positive you’re going to marry the man of your dreams on a cloudy day with the smell of the sea nearby, make it a tender moment on your honeymoon with few guests
If you're positive (gram + cocci)you're going to marry the man of your dreams on a cloudy (cloudy urine) day with the smell (malodorous urine) of the sea (sea --> water --> dysuria, increase frequency/urgency) nearby, make it a tender (tenderness of supra-pubic area) moment on your honeymoon (honeymoon syndrome - acute urethral syndrome) with few (fewer bacteria needed for infection compared to cystitis) guests.
Uropathogenic Escherichia coli
MacConkey loves drinking bad milk when he’s short of breath but needs to pee a lot insistently.
Mac Conkey (MacConkey agar) loves drinking bad (gram - rod) milk (lactose fermentor) when he's short of breath (oxidase negative) but needs to pee (Pee --> P fimbrae --> pyelonephritis --> kidneyspee) a lot in-cyst-antly (insistently --> incystently --> cystitis)
Proteus spp
Proteus is prone to negative influences from his swarms of lactose-intolerant friends. Hunting for stags in stony places could put him in a coffin with no oxygen.
Proteus is prone to negative (gram - rod) influences from his swarms (swarmer) of lactose-intolerant (lactose non-fermentor) friends. Hunting for stags (staghorn calculus) in stony (struvite stones - kidney stones - magnesium ammonium phosphate) places could put him in a coffin (coffin lid crystals) with no oxygen (oxidase negative).
Pseudomonas aeruginosa
Bad lactose-intolerant devils need to breath and PPEE in the soil when their kidneys are infected.
Bad (gram neg rods) lactose-intolerant (lactose non-ferm) devils need to breath (oxidase pos) and PPEE (pee --> PPEE --> PP - Pyocyanin/Pyochelin --> pro-inflam/ disrupt endothelial cell fxn; E - exotoxin A - inhib. protein synth via ADP ribosylation of EF2; E - exoensymes - phospholipase C, Rhamnolipid, leukocidins, proteases)) in the soil(soil/water reservoir) when their kidneys are infected (cystitis, pyelonephritis).
Enterococcus faecalis
DEF (Lancefield group D; E-Enterococcus; F - faecalis)
Good fae need a lot of salt in their diet to catalyze the production of bile and live.
Good (gram pos cocci) fae (Enterococcus faecalis) need a lot of salt (can survive in elevated salt) in their diet (diet --> GI tract) to catalyze (catalase neg) the production of bile (culture on ENT - bile esculin agar - hydrolysis of esculin/bile resistant) and live.
BK Virus
A lot of people who eat Burger King burgers naked with another person feel bloated; the feeling stays with them and gets worse when they’re stressed.
A lot of people (80% adults worldwide seropostivie) who eat Burger King (Burger King --> BK) burgers naked (non-enveloped) with another person (two ppl --> dsDNA) feel bloated (Ureteral stenosis --> water retention, reduced urine flow); the feeling stays (remains latent in lymphocytes, UGT, brain) with them and gets worse (reactivate --> BKAN --> BK assoc. nephropathy - renal disease) when they're stressed (decreased immune sys when stressed --> immunocompromised).
Neisseria gonorrhoeae
If you ever get hopped up on sugar, don’t get LOSt in New York City because you might meet Mr. Martin and his friend Neisseria who wants you inside of her more than she can breathe. She tells you “fix me” when she gets hurt badly, discharging CUPS of thick creamy green pus.
If you ever get hopped up on sugar (glucose user/fermentor), don't get LOSt (LOS - lipooligosaccharide) in New York City (NYC medium) because you might meet Mr. Martin (Thayer Martin Medium) and his friend Neisseria (Neisseria gonorrhoeae) who wants you inside (want inside --> facultative intracellular) of her more than she can breathe (oxidaise positive). She tells you "fix me" (cefixime - drug of choice for treatment - single dose/oral) when she gets hurt badly (gram negative cocci), discharging CUPS (C - cervicitis, U - urethritis, P - Pelvic inflammatory disease, S - salphingitis) of thick creamy green pus (i think it's a bit self explanatory if you see this with cutaneous lesions - run the other way).
Chlamydia trachomatis
Martin and Neisseria have a good friend, Mr. McCoy and his tiny daughter Chlamydia who needs you inside of her, no PUN intended, before her patience wears thin and her nerves fry.
Martin and Neisseria have a good friend, Mr. McCoy (McCoy cells/HeLa cells for culturing) and his tiny (very tiny bacteria) daughter Chlamydia (Chlamydia trachomatis), who needs you inside (obligate intracellular) (need you inside --> sex) of her, no PUN (P - PID; U - urethral syndrome/cervicitis in females; N - non-gonococcal urethritis in males) intended, before her patience wears thin (thin mucopurulent exudate) and her nerves fry (tissue becomes friable).
Ureaplasma/Mycoplasma spp.
HUGging small naked people magnanimously normally doesn’t turn you golden brown.
HUGging (H - Mycoplasma hominis - complications of pregnancy; U. urealyticum - 50% of NGU/NCU in males; G - M. genitalium - urethritis in males) small (small colony producing mycoplasma) naked (cell wall less) people magnanimously (manganous sulfate + urease rxn) normally (culture on A8 agar but oft seen in normal individuals) doesn't turn you golden brown (golden brown pigment from manganous sulface + urease).
Herpes Simplex Virus
Take your CUE from a straight laced friend and keep your clothes on when having sex with another person and stop the cycle.
Take your CUE (C - cervivitis; U - urethritis; E - external lesions) from a straight (linear) laced friend and keep your clothes on (enveloped) when having sex (sexually transmitted/contact with active lesions) with another person (dsDNA) and stop (shorten outbreak with treatment) the cycle (Acyclovir).
Trichomonas vaginalis
Keep things basic, don’t make it tricky because pros don’t insist that the metro is a good place to buy green strawberries from moving nomads frothing at the mouth.
Keep things basic (multiplies when vaginal conditions more basic than usual), don't make it tricky (trichomonas vaginalis) because pros (PROtozoan - fragellate) don't insist (insist --> cyst --> dont --> no cyst form) that the metro (metronidazole to treat) is a good place to buy green (greenish yellow discharge) strawberries (strawberry cervix) from moving (motile trichomonads) nomads (nomads --> monads) frothing (frothy greenish yellow discharge) at the mouth.
Candida albicans
Yeasty bread with cottage cheese naturally tastes good but if you’re sick, you’ll be itchy and red.
Yeasty (yeasty with pseudohyphae) bread with cottage cheese (cottage cheese discharge with vulvovaginitis) naturally (natural/normal flora in skin/mucous membranes) tastes good but if you're sick(immunocompromised at risk), you'll be itchy (itchy --> scratching of labia majora --> excoriations) and red(erythema on cervical mucosa surrounded by cottage cheese patches).
Gardnerella vaginalis
When Nugent goes fishing at high altitudes, he basically stays of the same mind but normally brings different clueless friends.
When Nugent (nugent score - score of 7/10 = bacterial vaginosis - assesses presence of large gram + lactobacili, small gram variable gardnerella, and curved gram variable mobiluncus) goes fishing (fishy odor with discharge) at high altitudes (high altitudes --> more CO2 --> aerobe whose growth is promoted by CO2), he basically (ph>4.5, so more basic) stays of the same (same --> homogenous discharge) mind (mind-->mine--> amine test postive) but normally (normal flora) brings different(gram variable and pleomorphic rod) clueless(clue cells present) friends.
Pelvic Inflammatory Disease
Don’t CAVE, U CAN beat Fitz-Hugh-Curtis at playing the violin.
Don't CAVE (Chronic form caused by A - anaerobes; V - vaginal flora; E - E. coli), U CAN (Acute forms caused by U - uroplasma/mycoplasma; C-Chlamydia trachomatis D-K; N-Neisseria gonorrhoeae) beat Fitz-Hugh-Curtis (Fitz-Huge-Curtis syndrome - extension of PID) at playing the violin (violin string adhesions between liver and parietal peritoneum)
Haemophilus ducreyi
LOSing a school of fish is bad especially when you get ragged on in a soft voice but it hurts more when a chain of events causes you to cry.
LOSing (LOS cell wall) a school of fish (school of fish pattern in gram stain) is bad (gram neg) especially when you get ragged (ragged ulcers on genitalia) on in a soft (soft chancres) voice but it hurts (painful ulcers/painful inguinal adenopathy) more when a chain (chain of coccobacilli --> school of fish) of events causes you to cry (to cry --> do cry --> ducreyi).
Chlamydia trachomatis (L1-L3)
Elle once knew that when she was small, she needed to stay inside so she wouldn’t get hurt. But as she grew, Elle too wanted to get involved.
Elle once (L1 - Chlamydia) knew that when she was small (very tiny bacteria), she needed to stay inside (obligate intracellulae - need to stay inside) so she wouldn't get hurt (not hurt --> painless ulceration - primary stage). But as she grew (grew --> elephantiasis of genitalia in late stage), Elle too (L2 - because Lymphogranuloma venereum is caused by L1-L3) wanted to get involved (anal sex --> perirectal/pelvic lymph node involvement).
Klebsiella granulomatis
Donovan liked eating rare steaks inside with his clothes on but his bad bipolar kleptomanic aunt ragged on him for doing it in the tropics.
Donovan (Donovan bodies - oval rod shaped org that appear inside infected tissue cells) liked eating rare steaks (velvety, beefy red appearance) inside (intracellulae) with his clothes on (encapsulated) but his bad (gram neg) bipolar (bipolar staining) kleptomanic (Klepto --> Klebsiella) aunt ragged (ragged ulcer) on him for doing it (sexual transmission) in the tropics (tropical/subtropical countries in setting of poverty/poor hygiene).
Treponema pallidum
Intrepid as usual, Syphilis stealthily spiraled into our hearts, going through several stages. First, painlessly invading when the chance rose and leaving spontaneously after 2 months. Secondly, from inside out, elegantly causing us to fall sick. Lastly, appearing to leave us gummed up and only thinking of it.
Intrepid (trepid --> treponema) as usual, Syphilis stealthily (stealth microbe) spiralled (spirochete) into our hearts (can cause cardiovascular syphilis), going through several stages (primary, second, tertiary, CV, neuro). First (Primary syphilis), painlessly (painless hard ulcer) invading (dissemination in lymph/blood) when the chance (chancre at site of invasion) arose and leaving spontaneously (spon. heal w/in 2 months) after 2 months. Secondly (secondary), from inside out (rash start on trunk to extremities), elegantly (elegant syphilis) causing us to fall sick (flu-like symptoms). Lastly (tertiary), appearing to leave us (goes latent) gummed (gummas - destructive granulomatous lesions) up and only thinking of it (in the CSF - not infectious unless have lesions).
Human Papilloma Virus
Coiling up with another person when you’re not wearing clothes guards against rubbing your soft skin.
Coiling (koilocytic cells; circular DNA) up with another person (dsDNA) when you're not wearing clothes(non-enveloped) guards (Guardasil) against rubbing (warts predom. at sites of friction) your soft (soft warts; not scaly) skin (cutaneous) in the cold(cryotherapy).
Genital warts - HPV 6/11
Cervical cancer - HPV 16/18
6+11 = 17 = (16+18)/2
common warts = HPV 2/7/27/9 [2, 7 --> 27 --> 2+7 = 9]
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